Watch Me Crumble
by luv4Carter
Summary: Carter feels he has finally got his life together, when everything goes down hill **CARBY**
1. Default Chapter

These characters are not mine blah blah and so forth but you know that so anyways ENJOY!! (This takes place in season 9, Carter and Abby are living together; this chapters kinda short)  
  
  
  
"Carter, time to get up, Cmon Carter it's 7:30...............Carter.........CARTER!!!"  
  
Carter turned his head slightly and opened one eye to see Susan standing there arms folded and looking impatient.  
  
"Yes, Susan" Carter grunted rubbing his eyes.  
  
"You told me to wake you up at 7:30" She smiled as she flicked on the light.  
  
"Oh my god! OK OK I'll be right out" Carter squinted as his eyes adjusted to the light.  
  
He got to his feet slowly grabbing his lab coat and stethoscope of the chair next to the hospital bed he had been sleeping on. He walked out to the admit desk wear Frank was fiddling with the computer and Jerry and Chuni were playing cards.  
  
"We're slow I take it"  
  
"Yup for now; but Have you seen Dr. Lewis, Or a mirror" Chuni laughed  
  
"Yeah like five minutes ago I don't know where she is now though, and a mirror for what?"  
  
Chuni walked up to him and flattened down the front of his hair which was twirled to the right and sticking straight up. "Well if you see her tell her the labs on her flu guy are back"  
  
Carter shook his head and made his way over to the lounge. He found Abby at her locker getting out her jacket.  
  
"You leaving already?" he walked up to her and put his arms around her waist.  
  
"Already, I've been here for 12 hours"  
  
"True" she grabbed his hand pulling him with her as she walked to the door  
  
"Were still on for dinner, right" Carter stepped in front of her and opened the door  
  
"Yeah if your buying"  
  
"Oh I see how it is, lets just make it coffee then" Carter joked as he leaned forward and kissed her  
  
"I'll see you later then" Abby smiled at him and genlty touched his face.  
  
He smiled back as he watched her walk out the doors, his insides shivered and he felt his heart melting. She made him feel like a giddy little school boy; he loved her so much everything about her was perfect and never in his life had he been this happy. He was broken from his trance as he heard Susan laughing.  
  
"ohhhh looove is in the aiiiir" she jokingly sang to him.  
  
Carter tried real hard not to blush, he turned and saw everyone at the admit desk smiling.  
  
"Your like a pigeon in heat" Frank stated  
  
Carter was puzzled,"What the hell does that mean?"  
  
Frank ofcourse had an answer"You know when a pigeons in heat it gets so involved with the opposite sex it forgets to eat"  
  
"Shouldn't you be answering phones" Carter growled  
  
"Yes, but they're not ringing" Frank smiled  
  
With that Carter just laughed to him self. They all were interrupted when an EMT ran in  
  
"Why didn't you guys answer the radio!!!"  
  
Everyone turned to look at Jerry who was sitting next to it,  
  
"I guess I forgot to turn it on"  
  
Chuny grabbed the crash cart and Susan and Carter started pushing a gurney to the ambulance bay  
  
"Well what do we got"  
  
"Female, Jane Doe, about 28 or 29 years old. Gun shots to the chest and the abdomen, she's been down for about 10 minutes  
  
They reached the ambulance and Carter looked down at young woman covered in blood.  
  
"Oh my God" was all he could manage to say, his whole body froze with fear and he felt his body begin to tremble  
  
Susan placed her hand on his shoulder "What, What is it"  
  
Carter swallowed hard trying to break through the shock "I know her"  
  
  
  
  
  
**Hope you like it so far I'll try and get the next chapter up as soon as I can, I hope to have it up in a day or two so check back soon** 


	2. Chapter 2

Hear goes Chapter 2. Please R&R!  
  
  
  
The next thirty minutes were a blur to Carter, like his body was going through the motions but his mind was some place else.He watched as they cracked her chest trying to clamp of the numerous arteries that were gushing blood. Shocking her heart over and over with no response.  
  
"Shock her again" he heard him self scream  
  
"No Carter, that's it; she's been down for almost an hour. Time of death.." Susan glanced down at her watch but Carter grabbed her arm forcefully turning her to face him. It was if she spoke to him threw her eyes because he loosened his grip and bowed his head in agreement.  
  
Susan continued,"Time of Death 9:22"  
  
Carter approached the young woman and lowered his hand to touch her check. He looked around to see that everyone in the room had left except for Susan.  
  
"Who is she" she spoke to him gently  
  
At that moment he felt a tear gilded down his face but he quickly whiped away,"She's my friend" Carter spoke barely above a whisper, "She was my neighbor we grew up together, her names Vicky" he couldn't take his eyes of her face; so different yet the same. He hadn't seen her in almost 3 years; she still looked like the little girl he new so many years ago that he had loved so much. But her face wasn't bright and smiling as he new it so well, she was so pale. Her hair wasn't shinning but dark and drenched with blood, he was haunted by her laughter he could still inside his head, locked in his memory. This had to be a dream there was no way this was true. He felt Susan's hand on his shoulder, this made him jump he had totally forgotten she was there. He leaned down pressing his lips to Vicky's check giving her one last kiss. Turning on his heals he walked out the room not even looking at Susan. Past everyone at admit, who's eyes he could feel burning into him with concern. He walked out to ambulance bay and down the street, he felt the tears flowing steadily down his face now. He didn't know were to go, he took the el to work today but he couldn't go home he didn't want to be forced to explain this to anyone. Were he ended up surprised him, he walked through the grass which was still wet from the early morning rain. The cold breeze ran right threw him and he slightly shivered folding his arms. He looked down and noticed he was still wearing his lab coat, he put his stethoscope in his pocket. Carter looked at the grave that lay in front of him it read 'Lucy Knight' below that was a tiny inscription 'you will always be in our hearts'. He didn't know why his feet had brought him here, maybe because it was the only place he could be alone. He felt his knees begin to weaken as he collapsed to the ground and began to uncontrollably sob into his hands. Why had he let so much time go by without seeing Vicky; who would shoot her what could have happened?  
  
Vicky was like his little sister, he watched out for her like she was his own blood. He could still remember the day she moved across the street. He was about seven playing with Bobby in the front yard when he saw her there caring boxes. Her father was a drunk and her mother died giving birth to her, so she basically lived at his house. When Bobby died Carter became like a ghost, no one ever noticed he was there or even cared to. That's when Vicky would step in always there for him always there to talk to. She new things about him that no one did, she new his secrets. She new about his uncle, even though he was in jail now. His uncle Thomas; his mom's sister's husband, he hated Carter and Carter new why. Even to this day he couldn't think of a reason; His uncle always verbally put him down but he didn't start beating on him until shortly after Bobby died. No matter how many bruises he came home with no one ever suspected, Carter would make up some dumb lie and they always bought it. Deep down in his heart every time he would pray they could see through him but not even his own mother cared enough to see the truth, they were blind. The only one who new was Vicky she saw threw his act and from then on he told her everything. So many nights he could remember her holding him as he cried. Even though his uncle stopped the abuse when he turned 14, for some reason he never told his parents. The only other person who new besides Vicky was Chase; but the real Chase was gone now only his body remained.  
  
When Vicky was about 16 she got heavy into cocaine, the day she turned 18 she was gone. He wasn't surprised when he woke up in the morning to find a note on his dresser saying good-bye, he new she couldn't breath. Shortly after that her father moved and her house stood vacant. Years went by before he saw her again, it wasn't until his dear uncle Thomas' trial that he saw her again. It seemed that Carter wasn't the only kid he beat up on. Even though Carter was to ashamed to testify Vicky did, Uncle Thomas never hit her but she testified anyway. She wasn't the only one, he was sentenced to 15 years in prison and Carter was glad for that. Carter told Vicky he was going to med. school and was already excepted to college, he begged her to stay but she wouldn't. She told him that no matter where she was they had a special bond they were 'soul angles'. He new that was true when he saw her face sitting at his bed side after that fateful Valentine's Day. That was the last time he saw her until today atleast, and now she was gone and for good this time.  
  
Carter looked forward at Lucy's grave stone and traced her name with his fingers.  
  
"I'm sorry Luce, oh God I'm so sorry" he almost screamed threw his sobs  
  
Bobby,Dennis,Lucy,Vicky, and basically Chase; they were all dead and he felt responsible for almost all of them. An old formiluir guilt struck him like lighting and he felt broken. He barely felt the rain when it began to fall, he felt so lost; he leaned his head against Lucy's grave stone and closed his eyes, he felt like a murderer.  
  
  
  
**hope you liked it I'll get the next chapter up soon** 


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3 FOR YA!! R&R PLEASE.  
  
  
  
  
  
It was now 2 o'clock in the morning and Carter was still not home; Abby paced the floors of their apartment watching the seconds on the clock tick by. She was beginning to panic, the hospital had called hours ago and told her what had happened atleast all that they knew. Abby had called basically everyone Carter knew even Doug and Carol, and no one had seen or heard from him. That was it, she had to go and look for him, 'something has to be wrong he would have called or something' she thought to herself. She grabbed her coat of the kitchen table and began to walk to the door. At that moment Carter entered, walking through the doorway he threw his drenched lab coat on the ground. His face was ghostly pale and his clothes were soaked with water, his eyes were swollen and fire red. Abby threw her arms around him, he barely responded to her touch.  
  
"Oh my God, are you OK?" her hot breath on his neck soothed his ice cold skin.  
  
He simply shook his head 'yes' and gently kissed her check.  
  
Abby pulled back from there embrace,"Where the hell have you been"  
  
Abby could feel the anger boiling inside her but it quickly melted away when she looked up and saw Carter's eyes. They were not full of love and light which was the way she usually saw them but empty and dark as if he was only half there.  
  
"I went to the cemetery...... To visit Lucy"  
  
"I'm sorry" she was ashamed of her sudden out burst.  
  
"It's OK, I'm going to take a shower"  
  
She watched as he slumped away "Carter, do you wanna talk about it?"  
  
He gave her a half hearted smile,"Not right now" he barely whispered as he walked into the bathroom and shut the door.  
  
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Carter removed his wet clothes and tossed them in the laundry basket by the door. He could barely stand up straight every ounce of energy had been drained from him. He walked to the shower and turned it on stepping back he waited for the water to warm up. When Stepping in the falling water stung his cold skin, leaning against the shower wall he felt the droplets trickle down his back.  
  
"Shit" he ran his fingers through his hair.  
  
He knew Abby knew what had happened today, and he was dreading having to explain it to her. The last thing he wanted to do was burden her with his troubles, but he couldn't lie to her; she could see right through his lies. He slowly washed his hair and body trying to stall for time, the water was beginning the run cold so he turned it off stepped out and grabbed a towel. Wrapping the towel around his waist he opened the bathroom door, folded clothes were laid on a chair for him left by Abby. He threw them on and buffed his hair as dry as he could with the towel. The light was off in the bedroom when he entered he saw nothing but blackness, finding his was to the bed he climbed under the blankets. Carter was happy to find that Abby had fallen asleep, her face was like an angels so beautiful. He could smell her hair sweet like ripe red strawberries; and could almost feel her heart beat. He was so tired yet could not sleep, terrified of the nightmares that might re occur in his dreams. As hard as he tried his eyes would not stay shut, so he lay awake with nothing but his thoughts and the sound of Abby's slow, shallow breaths to keep him company.  
  
  
  
  
  
**Hope you liked it, sorry the chapters have been so short the following ones will be longer** 


	4. Chapter 4

Here is chapter number four sorry it took so long to post, I've been pretty buisy with getting shit for Christmas; but anyways here it is so ENJOY!!! R&R PLEASE!!  
  
  
  
  
  
Carter had barely begun to nod off when he heard the alarm sounding, it was quickly silenced by Abby. He tried to turn back over before she saw he was awake but was caught in the act.  
  
"Hey" she nuzzled to his back and let out a deep sigh,"You were talking in your sleep Carter".  
  
Carter was alittle confused he didn't even think he had been asleep long enough to dream never mind talk in his sleep.  
  
"Really, what did I say"  
  
"You said help me" she slowly ran her fingers up and down his arm.  
  
"Lets make some coffee" Carter slid out from her grip and walked to the kitchen, standing so quickly had made his head spin and he was forced to stop and steady himself on the kitchen table.  
  
"You all right" Abby was now standing behind him.  
  
Carter didn't reply, just pulled out a chair and slowly sat down. Abby let it slide and walked to the coffee pot. Carter watched as she removed the used coffee grounds throwing the contents in the sink, and filling it with fresh ones. She flicked the on button and turned to face Carter, she grabbed a near by chair and sat beside him.  
  
"Well, who was she?"  
  
This question caught Carter off guard, he though they would dance around the issue alittle longer before that came up.  
  
"A friend, I new her when I was a kid. She lived next door to me, I haven't seen her for three years." Carter's breath was caught in his chest for a moment as he thought of her.  
  
"I'm Sorry.....Are you ok?" she placed her hand on his knee.  
  
Carter heard the concern in her voice and tried to change the subject,"Look the coffees done"  
  
"Carter"  
  
so he lied,"I'm fine"  
  
Abby glanced at the clock,"Oh shit, I'm late Carter I have to get to work; unless you want me to call in?"  
  
"No, No go to work I have a shift alittle later anyway; really I'm ok" he tried to look convincing.  
  
"Are you sure, come on we'll make muffins" she joked  
  
Carter was forced to smile"Yes I'm sure, go I'll see you later".  
  
Abby gave up instead running to the bathroom to through on some close and brush her teeth. She stumbled her way to the door sliding her feet into her shoes,"Come hear" she pulled Carter out of the chair raping her arms around him.  
  
Carter slid his arms back grabbing his car keys of the counter,"Here, take my car;I'll take the El". Abby gently kissed him taking the keys from him, she cupped his face in her hands and starred in his eyes,"Are you sure your alright". He shook his head 'yes' and she turned to walk away.  
  
"I love you"  
  
"I love you too"  
  
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It had been an hour since Abby left and Carter was driving himself crazy. When she left he had gotten up, brushed his teeth, brushed his hair and got dressed. Since then he had been sitting in the same chair starring at the wall, his mind was racing. He couldn't stand it a minute longer, he would go to work early; 'I can atleast get some charts done' he thought to himself. Heading towards the closet and grabbing his old coat,due to the fact that his current coat had been left in his locker yesterday. He walked out the door and made his way to the El. It had stopped raining but there still was a sharp chill in the air it didn't effect Carter. His mind was still racing with thoughts of blood and Vicky,Lucy,Bobby and Chase. He tried to concentrate but he couldn't shake it, it was as if he was watching a movie and someone was holding his eyes open. He saw the El approaching and as soon as the doors openened he darted in finding the first seat as the train began to move. Beads of sweat were pouring down his face, he felt as if everyone was staring at him now. The train slowly began to stop and as soon as the doors opened he stood and walked out as quickly as his weakened legs would let him. The doors closed behind him and he watched as the Train began to move along down the track. When it was out of site he turned and was shocked to read these words 'West Long Station'  
  
"Oh shit! I got off at the wrong fuckin stop, God Dammit!!!" he cursed loudly although there was no one around to here.  
  
Carter began to walk towards the street frustrated in himself. Seeing the cars passing by ahead he took a short cut between two buildings instead of taking the stairs; in hope to quickly hail a taxi. He was stopped in his tracks when he felt a sharp blow to the back of his neck. He slumped quickly to the ground, his neck and shoulders burned and his head was filled with a sharp pain. He felt hands in his pockets and then a deathly chill as his coat was removed. The whole world was spinning, struggling he lifted his hand to touch the back of his head when brought back to his eyes it was covered in blood. Carter's whole body froze and suddenly an image of Lucy on Valentine's Day lying beside him was clear as day. He tried to scream but barely mustered a whisper moments later everything went black.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
**I hope you liked it I'll get the next chapter up soon** 


	5. Chapter 5

**Here goes chapter five, PLEASE R&R I want to know what you guys think so far (Good, Bad whatever) **  
  
  
  
Carter was very disoriented when he finally awoke, he faintly heard voices and made out many shady figures hovering around him. Blinded by the light shinning above he struggled to remember what had happened. Minus the slight tingling in his hands, his body was basically numb; the high pitched ringing in his ears seized and the voices around him became clear.  
  
"I'm sure he has a concussion, possibly a skull fracture so I want to get a head CT STAT"  
  
"Yes, Doctor, should I give him anything?"  
  
"Well, he's stable so lets wait until after the CT, just give him ahh, 10 mgs of Morphine for now"  
  
Carter's heart skipped a beat 'Morphine,' he desperately tried to speak, sit up, move his leg anything. It was as if his brain was working but his body was on a lunch break, panicking, he managed to speak but one word, "NO!" this drew the attention of those around him.  
  
"Welcome back Dr. Carter, (the unformiluar nurse smiled) administering 10 mgs of Morphine"  
  
Feeling his consciousness yet again beginning to slip away, he struggled again to speak, "NO!"  
  
Carter heard a voice echo,"He's incoherent, give it to him"  
  
Barely feeling the prick of the needle, his whole body became stiff, but before the poison entered his veins, he was swallowed up by darkness once again.  
  
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The second time Carter awoke the images around him were clear, he recognized the fact he was in a hospital bed in an unfamiliar room. He slowly began to sit up when he noticed that there was an IV in his arm attached to a bag full of what seemed to be saline. It was just then that a white haired man with glasses entered the room,  
  
"Don't touch that IV Dr. Carter, My name is Doctor Broze; you are at Mercy General Hospital. Do you remember what happened?"  
  
Carter's silence implied to the older Doctor that he did not,  
  
"Well, you were mugged; it seemed as though you were knocked unconscious from behind with some sort of club or bat of some sort, you were found shortly after and transported by ambulance here. You suffered a concussion and the laceration on the back of your neck was quiet deep, we put in two stiches.We also ran a CT but it was negative."  
  
Carter now remembered, recalling getting off at the wrong stop, the sharp pain, the blood on his hand. Carter simply shook his head but remanned silent.  
  
"Would you like something for the pain?" Doctor Broze lightly smiled  
  
The memory returned, they had given him Morphine hadn't they; maybe he had just dreamt it, it couldn't of happened. He was to terrified to ask,  
  
" No I don't want anything, thank you" he finally spoke  
  
He forced himself to speak, "Have you given me any pain medicine so far?"  
  
holding his breath he waited for the answer,  
  
"Well, yes we gave some Morphine"  
  
Carter could almost feel the color drain from his face, the placebo made his skin crawl. Dr. Broze was startled by Carter's sudden change in state,  
  
"It would be my advise that you stayed the night"  
  
Carter quickly answered, "No, I'll be leaving right away" his words were shaky.  
  
"You'll be leaving against medical advice,(Carter's lack of response indicated he didn't care) Ok, but you cannot drive tonight, perhaps someone could pick you up?"  
  
Carter shook his head impling 'yes',  
  
"You should come back in two weeks to have those stiches removed, and please don't hesitate to come back if you experience any nasua or suver head ache"  
  
"Ok, thank you Doctor"  
  
Dr. Broze smiled as he left Carter alone to ponder with his thoughts. 


End file.
